I don’t believe in New Year’s resolutions. I feel that that is a fantastic way to procrastinate. Like on January 1, a person resolves that by the end of the year they will change X, Y and Z. It gives them a whole year to “try” or simply forget about it, only to have the same resolution for that new year. I feel like I often say I am having a difficult time to the point where it sounds overly dramatic. I have to remind myself that given the world’s current climate; perhaps, it is more realistic than hyperbolic.
This time of the year always gets me quiet, as I reflect on the past 365 days. First, I think about what I was doing this time last year. I was in Florida with all my family, both immediate and extended. The night before I am fairly certain I karaoke’d and this morning I have a sneaking suspicion that my cousins and I may have attempted to go fishing again. I never caught anything worth keeping. They were far too small, and if I tried to eat it… they would never fill me up. If I kept it, it would have simply been to say I caught a fish. I would have been settling.
I have spent some aspects of my life settling. Whether it was because I was too tired or I felt it was all I deserved, I feel settling is something we all do. Instead of striving for happiness, we settle at being content. Instead of dreaming big and working hard to turn it into a reality, we wait for something to fall in our lap because as thrilling as big dreams are the prospect of disappointment is absolutely terrifying.
When I was younger, my mom told me to choose my battles because they are not all worth fighting. There are moments in my life I regret for being so damn hot-tempered, then there are moments I regret for showing far too much restraint. I still struggle to find the balance between protecting my peace and taking the higher road. Words burn on my lips from saying them so haphazardly or for holding them in for far too long.
I also start to think about who I was close to last year, who I became close to this past year and how things have changed. I am forever grateful for my friends that have stuck by me through the years. I know I have this awful habit of going AFK and disappearing, yet still they are there for me. I am grateful for the ones I lost along the way. That sounded sort of petty, but it is not. Regardless of why I might not be friends with someone, they were my friend for a reason. They very likely were there for me, and I would like to think that I was there for them too. I guess, I’m grateful for the memories. I have also made some fantastic friends this past year. I would say a good dozen, and my world is far lighter because of them.
Family is such a fluid thing on SL. People come and go, yet some stay. There are a few that come to mind. June and Taylor are my constants. They are the best of the best. My SL mom, Kess, she’s the busiest lady ever but always finds time for me. This year I also adopted Hayden, and there is such a goodness to him. And he’s almost as patient as his mom. One of the best decisions I made this year was asking him if he wanted to collab and after collab’ing telling him he was going to be my future son.
And this is my hope for this coming year: I want to continue growing and becoming a better version of who I am at this very moment. And I am hopeful that each day will be better and brighter than the one before.
Tapas and Clothes 