Sing Me a Song and Send Me to Sleep

One of my worst habits is that I always assume the worst. If I’m being honest, this usually works to my advantage because when things get screwed up I already have Plan A, B and C ready in my head. It also helps me deal with disappointment. How can I be disappointed if I expected things to fall apart anyway? Alternatively, this was also a major point of contention with her. When we fought, it was typically because I either 1) internationalized my feelings too much or 2) I assumed the worst when it came to her. And despite it all, she was patient with me. She saw these things in me that were good… that I didn’t see but because she told me I believed.

I believed so much.

I’m so sorry for being selfish right now. For even allowing the smallest fraction of myself regret not planning for this worst.

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